Memorial Anniversary Meal

This evening I was invited to my Hindu neighbor’s house for a meal. Although the wife had been cooking all day for various people, she wanted me to partake of a memorial meal as well. It was the one-year anniversary of her father-in-law’s death.

Earlier in the day a priest had come and performed some rituals, including lighting a small fire. In her kitchen she opened up what looked like a pantry door. Instead it contained the family’s pooja “room,” a place that contained statues of the Ganesh and several other gods, oil candles, yellow sandalwood paste and red sindoor powder (traditionally applied to the forehead of married Hindu women), various food offerings including fruit and coconut, and photos of the father-in-law and great-grandparents who had long since passed away. Fresh flowers were draped over the photograph and various other items including the statues. I noticed a small amount of ash on a plate in here as well.

A large banana leaf was placed on the table as my plate. My neighbor then placed small portions of a finely shredded cabbage-coconut dish, spicy potatoes, creamy sour onion dish, jam-like mango dish, and of course rice topped with dhal (a slightly spicy yellow spit pea sauce with a “drumstick” vegetable mixed in). In true Tamil style, I was to eat with my right fingers – more practice. The only one eating at the time (most Indians eat much later), I was given full attention as I ate. More helpings were piled on, followed by some small fried (but not sweet) doughnut-like items and a sweet vermicelli rice pudding dessert made with sweet milk, saffron, cardamom and blanched almonds.

Above the doorway I noticed a leaf. It was explained to me that the mango leaf (a few of which I also saw outside their door) signified that an important even was taking place in the house that day. My neighbor explained that other leaves would signify other items, such as an illness in the house. After sweet coffee and a long chat, I thanked them for the meal and inviting me, at which time my neighbor said that actually she was the one to do the thanking.

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